Masculinity

My New Years Eve was fun. I let my hair down so to speak and had a little beer in village. Every person in village is aware of my dislike of drinking in village under most circumstances, so they definitely knew it was a special occasion.

It was fun to just chat and eat some grilled mutton. However, towards the end I witnessed something that reminded me of a serious beef I have with Burkina (and the world, really).

A close village friend of mine was being jolly and inviting everyone over for the elaborate--often comical--well-wishing rituals.

"Happy New Year! I hope this new year brings you health, money and a Mercedes! But, most of all that Mercedes!"

But, one encounter was much more of a sexual proposition despite the fact that my friend is married. A painful reminder of personal experiences from the past year that I am specifically trying to let go of. I mostly just froze and changed the subject (my ex cheating on me for 3.5 months before telling me). Witnessing this interaction was another example of when being integrated sometimes means getting more information than you are comfortable with.

Being in Peace Corps has meant being much more what us gender studies geeks call "homosocial." In other words, I have been much more exposed to the social world of men, which has led me to believe much more than ever that current variances on socialized masculinity are one of the things fundamentally wrong with this world.

So many gender issues that we face in the U.S. are more explicit in the context of rural Burkina. In some ways culture here emphasizes some behaviors and perceptions more so than on the states side. One example is men having what they call a "second office." Cheating is considered a completely natural behavior of men by many people here. Many men are also often vocal about cheating. Men in traditional faiths and under Islam are allowed (and sometimes encouraged) to pursue multiple wives. This is religiously sanctioned and understood, but this mentality bleeds over into nominally monogamous relationships and Christian marriages. People even go as far as to say that there are 3 or 4 times as many women in the world to justify it.

The interesting opposite end of this is the intense jealousy and envy that is accepted as a normal masculine trait. When I suggest that women have multiple husbands it is the number one most shocked/indignant/disbelieving reaction that I receive for all my crazy foreign suggestions (second would be that 2 well-educated healthy daughters are better than 7 lazy, uneducated, illness-prone sons). Men always respond that men are naturally too jealous to handle such an arrangement as a woman having multiple male partners. This jealousy permeates masculinity. Whether it is having a nicer motorcycle (or scooter), biking faster or providing more for their family many men are constantly jealous of other men. Everything is a competition and everything is a display of a man's assets. Even cell phones are constantly visible in a man's hands (obviously this has partially to do with socio-economics, too).

Then there is the sheer space that a man takes up regardless of his stature. There is this "man stance" that nearly every man takes regardless of where he sits where it seems like he is trying to take up as much space as physically possible at the evident expense of people (particularly women) around him. The most recent experience I had with this was on a bus back from Christmas when a man was taking up a seat and a half. I asked him politely to make room for my friend who was sitting next to him. He refused and accused me of imposing on him and suggested (I am using a polite term) that as a Burkinabe man he should be the one imposing on us.

I have heard of men imposing themselves on female friends of mine (whom--I should note-- have a higher status than Burkinabe women based on cultural standards). Some extremes have been attempting unsolicited kisses, verbal propositioning and a refusal to take "no" as an answer due to an idea that a man's interest is the only relevant to a sexual or marital decision. (One of the reasons we teach the concept of consent and saying "no" at summer camps.) I can't count how many times my friends have told me about men being completely surprised or oblivious to their disinterest--even to the point of following them around despite repeated refusals. The most extreme (and unusual) case was a friend of mine being groped by a stranger and being told that one of her breasts was his. (Again, an extreme example).

I guess what bothers me most is that these issues are not unique to Burkina. They may be exaggerated due to circumstances and cultural norms, but these tendencies all apply to many American men on some level or with varying levels of visibility. I mean, as a male I have an intimate understanding of male socialization. I am not saying that men are inherently bad, but I believe whole heartedly that we tend to encourage or tolerate negative behaviors in men as opposed to discouraging or even addressing them. Women are capable of these behaviors such as cheating and getting jealous, but these behaviors (for women) are intensely discouraged and policed by most social standards, societies and men.

I am only touching on the surface level of this issue, but it was just something rattling around in my head. Food for thought.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Airtel Burkina Faso.